Bullhead City, Arizona! Arid Zone-ah. Understatement; a BIG one. It's 9:00 pm right now and the temperature outside is 89 degrees. 89!!!! I grew up near the ocean, for Pete's sake, with cool breezes that don't dehydrate your eyeballs! I love June-Gloom and rain, the smell of salty air, decent fresh fruit, fish and sushi! What the fuck am I doing here?
Actually, damn my hide, I know exactly why I'm here.
The love of my life has an older sister he's very close to. When he and I met and lived in California, he was planning on moving within a month or so to AZ to be with her. She's in her mid 60's, pretty much alone, and had been having more than a tough time living in Georgia. Her health was poor and, (dealing with some tragedy) she was longing to be with family (a cousin lives here, too). So, James, thinking it could be a fresh start for himself, felt it was the right thing to do. And I was not about to let him leave me.
He has three grown kids in Cali, one with a gorgeous gal, her two kids and two of their own (one amazing boy, born just yesterday). James also has a pretty daughter with a good job and a better heart. His third (a boy I've yet to know) lives in LA and also has a pretty girl. I have two lovely grown girls, one married to a talented guy, and blessed with a brand new beautiful baby boy-- my other pretty girl, a free-spirit, is earning her way and finding her way in her own time (which she has always done).
When James and I lived in Cali, I didn't see my kids as much as I wanted, and pissed and moaned about it. I was self-absorbed, still licking my wounds from divorce, and trying to keep my brains from spilling out my ears from depression. James was in pretty much the same shape, having just gone through a life-altering event. And, I'm very close to my sister-- but I was so miserable, I was making her crazy, too. I wasn't much fun to be around; I wore her out. Our wonderful relationship changed; all we did was fight.
I needed change--and against her warnings, she helped me. Arizona!
I knew the second my loaded van hit the desert I was making a huge mistake. But what could I do? Stop the van, flag James and the U-Haul off the road and tell him, "Uh, I'm going back home now." I loved this man, and still do. I was determined to make the best of it. We'd both planned carefully, interneted plenty of existing open job apps, nailed an apartment--maybe it was going to be great after all!
We're now in our second apartment (first one turned out to be a methamphetamine commune). None of the jobs we applied for were available. NO jobs to be found at all; if the opening hadn't gone to someone on a waiting list, then it was "hiring freezes". All over town meth-whores and their cling-ons squat in any available shady spot. They don't beg for money, though. But they sure as hell check out how close I'm holding my purse, if I have money in my hand, if I locked my car . . . if I'm alone.
And everything here is BROWN. This spring, the desert plants in our rock yard bloomed. James' camera is full of pictures; I couldn't take enough photos of the colors. Some blooms are still there, too. Amazing. We do have that; my James gives ours extra water.
Other more important blessings--We have each other--stronger than ever before. Anyone who has suffered from depression understands the importance of this. James is essential to my life and sense of well being, and I am the same for him. He makes me laugh, and that is golden.
We love our duplex: a roomy 3 bedroom, AC, paid water and we're up on a hill that borders Kingman. Up to 10 degrees cooler than down below, in the valley, in the searing depths of . . . sorry.
But check this out. Just within the 10 months we've been here, James has had a heart attack, has developed a thoracic aortic aneurysm. He's been to the ER 4 or 5 times and hospitalized for either his heart or diverticulitis. He's due for heart surgery in November. But our faith is strong and we're confident he'll come out of it better than ever. Still, he has a few other health issues that now prevent him from working. He's trying for disability; we'll know in September. I myself called Binder and Binder about my foot pain, back, carpel tunnel and epilepsy. They suggested I claim depression and epilepsy, as they had more documentation. I should have an answer in a couple months. We both live on the alimony my ex sends, along with generous loans (that I repay) and car expenses when I'm in need. By the way, my van died on the "operating table": took it in because we kept smelling a gas leak, and the whole gas tank fell flat out into the auto bay. Thank you, God, for my ex-husband, as he paid out the down payment for my new used car: a Chevy Malibu Classic. I call her "Mama Class".
And, by the way, turns out his sister ain't so sick after all. She did come out to be with family, but she brought her son and his girlfriend with her. She's adamant about never living in Cali again, so talking her into sharing rent and living with us is out. We're heartsick to be with our families, grandbabies and friends--and out of this baked crater. I'm putting us on a budget and start saving to go back. But there's not much we can cut back on. We have to have Sparkletts because the water here is "crispy" . . . no shit. It leaves white, chalky chips on everything. Nasty! We have cable, but we're stopping Showtime . . . no "Dexter". !!!!! Do you know what a sacrifice this is? :) AAAGGGHHH! Skimping on food, which won't hurt either of us, and no more trips for a while. I say let's have next Christmas out here! Right, after I've made it sound so charming.
It'll take at least $3 k, but we'll find our way home. If anyone out there knows of anyone out there who would love to share a home with two very funny and fun, considerate and kind older people--please don't leave me hangin'! James is a terrific cook and the man loves to clean. My cooking is nothing to sneeze at, but I'm a bit of a clutter-er. But loveable.
So, I haven't blogged in a long time. This is foremost on what's left of my mind, so I hope you enjoyed the read. Love.
